On Being "Accounts Payable"

During a recent launch, a friend remarked that I was "accounts payable."  I laughed in her face. Oh sure, who doesn't need the moolah?  But really, I wanted to know what it meant.  NOW!

Did it mean I was owed money?  Money's easy:  You earn it. You spend it. No biggie. What's with the labels anyway? Of course people owe me money and I, in return, owe others. So goes the circle of friendship, family, forfeiture and finance.

But really, what mattered? It got me to thinking about my own list of "Accounts Receivable." For my services rendered, what could I reasonably demand in return? How high a premium could I place on my skills and emotion?  After much soul-searching, I think I have it:

MY CHILDREN.  In 2006, Al Neuharth, founder of USA Today, wrote a Mother's Day column. In it he wrote, consulting  job analysts at Salary.com, that a stay-at-home Mom's salary would be $143,121 annually.  (Multiply for numbers of years on duty and adjust numbers for inflation!)

I'd love to be able to say that I'll take the cash, thank you:)  In the real world though, you just keep your fingers crossed and hope that these kids make the same effort with THEIR kids someday.

What I do expect from them really, is for them to be independent. They should apply critical thinking in all aspects of their lives, act responsibly and be of value to society and country.

MY (FUTURE) SIGNIFICANT OTHER.  If this person does exist, I demand total honesty.  You shouldn't tell me it's okay when it isn't, goddamit!  I'm a big girl and can take care of myself. There may be better-off, cuter or smarter men, but real men of integrity are hard to find.

FRIENDS (WOO-HOOT!).  You owe me your loyalty.  The form of extreme loyalty that I'm able to give.  The kind where you just know that I'll pull through for you during the toughest times.

MY "PEOPLE."  More than servitude, I expect them to trust me.  It's important that they know I value their efforts and do not take them for granted.  They should be aware that I never make a decision that is not to our mutual benefit.

MY GRANDSON, GABRIEL.  Love forever:)

On Dummies and the Internet

I wasn't going to write about this at all. However, it's too amusing not to be shared.

I actually made an enemy online by typing LOL! And as if that wasn't enough, the dummy thought my username called him a liar. Uhmmm... username, username, username.

I know many people who don't have computers at home who are well-versed in computerese. Computer cafe mainstays actually put my skill to shame.  thefreedictionary website has 78 definitions of LOL.  FYI, dear dummy, LOL is not short for ULOL!

Anyone with a two-digit IQ should be BANNED from computers. Violators should be shot on sight. The most severe forms of torture should be reserved for those who attempt to join social networking sites, like Friendster. I'll bet they don't have friends nor photos, well maybe one if they're lucky. One thing this person definitely does not have is a sense of humor.

How can anyone totally misread my private messages? Twice!  I think I'm pretty straightforward and an easy read.  Maybe I should have written in the vernacular.

Duh?? Duh-mmy?? FRIENDster!  It was a dumb social experiment.  I'll stick to blogging.

On Finally Having Pics

I was feeling mighty fine today when I got up. So fine, in fact, that I decided to take my picture. This has never happened before. We have all sorts of gadgets (yes, including those) at home that there was no excuse for me not to have a portrait taken.  I imagine I could pretty much stick my face under the scanner cover and press a button if I was desperate.

They'all claim to be pretty good photographers but I always hid my face, ruining some very important photos. Today however, I will let "giddy" take over and push "shy" off for a moment to get the job done.

It was pretty awkward at first with the digicam. You can't set it up. It felt stupid. I had let a whole virtual film roll go. Two hours later, my bemused daughter told me to use her Mac. Perfect! I could see myself and choose from the effects of the Photo Booth application. Here are the results of my first foray into egocentricity.

On Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

I've always had a healthy sense of humor.  No doubt, it kept my sanity intact while the kids were growing up and relationships ran through their course.  My only regret is that I can't laugh out loud (lol), LITERALLY.  We have a genetic predisposition to lock-jaw.  I have horror stories to prove it.  Now that's soooo not funny!

I've always envied those who bwahahahh at slapstick and heeheehee when tickled.  I just crinkle my nose when I find something funny.  If it's really hilarious, I turn up my lips a little.  (I had a repressed childhood).  To cover up potentially embarrassing situations, I've learned to give the punch line with a straight face.  I prefer sarcasm or irony to inject humor.  I don't do it to show off wit, I just can't open my mouth wide enough to laugh at corny, over-the top jokes...which I happen to love!

The events of the past few weeks however, has made me feel positively light-headed and giddy. A huge weight has been taken off my shoulders and I want to jump up and down with joy.  I'm on the verge of a laughfest but am afraid of the consequences, to my mouth in particular.

To sober up and keep my emotions reined in, I ask myself this question:  Is the laughter a result of a positive or negative experience?  Are these feelings the effect of a purging or a symptom of a deeper emotional affliction?  I suspect the worst because I've never this happy in my life, which is weird.  There have been way many more moments of profound gratitude.

Let this post's title speak for itself.

On Losing My Sight

I lost my glasses.  AGAIN! Although they were a horrendous pair bought on sale, they did their job.

I got a new prescription filled out after a check-up with my opthalmologist.  It turns out my astigmatism is worse so we had to adjust accordingly.  I went to my "suki" optician at Cartimar and picked out fashionably dorky shades (on sale, of course).  Instead of getting single vision reading glasses, I opted to get the double vision or "doble-vista."  What possessed me to order that, I don't know.

I lost my old glasses the day after I got my new pair.  So now, I'm blind again unless I read from the lower fifth of my lens.  Which means:  I have to stretch my neck up to play the piano or use the computer.  The pain!

On Finding Answers Online

I've always believed that what passes for fact online may not necessarily be the truth. As it stands right now, the lines between truth and lies are blurred anyway...so who gives a shit?

Like yogini in quest of the meaning of life or a gambler desperately seeking the winning lotto combination, I searched deep within the bowels of the web to find the elusive answer to the question: Should I finally give up on the low-life who claimed that I was his one true love?

The answer: a resounding YES!

The proof?

When Should You Dump Your Lying Man?

On My Firstborn

Last year on her birthday, I put out a short post about MY GIRL. I had never wished for one to come into my life as badly as I did her.

A lot of things have changed in a year though my feelings for her have not. I wish she would come home to me.