Monday, November 5, 2007

On The Funniest Thing Ever At eBay!
(It's Not For Sale)

I was looking for a photo to accompany my previous article. First stop? eBay! My hunch paid off. There were quite a few. After selecting the clearest image, I decided to write to the seller and ask her permission to use it. (Yup, I do it). But first, I read the article description and payment/shipping details. I didn't need to but it was habit. What I read made my jaw drop! My giggles turned to guffaws in a few seconds. THIS is the reason you should read the fine print:

This is the Complete set of 25 hardcover books from "My First Steps to Reading" Series by Jane Belk Moncure. All books are illustrated by Linda Hohag. Grolier Press: The Child's World, 1991...

My First Steps to Reading titles:

1) My First Book

2) My "a" Book

3) My "b" Book

4) My "c" Book...

23) My "v" Book

24) My "w" Book

25) My "x,y,z" Book

I accept paypal and money orders ONLY.....NO CHECKS. Payment is Expected within 7 days.....Not when your uncle Joe's will is probated.....And please calculate that 7 days in human years...not dog years!

Due to the dishonesty and greed of phony ebay buyers, I can no longer ship to an unconfirmed address....this is for your protection as well as mine. Don't panic, but I ship UPS ground .... and USPS (More about USPS below). UPS includes Insurance and Tracking. My Daddy doesn't own UPS (Too Bad) so I have no control over the rates...However, I can give you a break since UPS charges LESS to ship to a BUSINESS or SCHOOL address. (Sorry, in U.S. only)

UPS does NOT CONSIDER IT A BUSINESS if it is CONDUCTED FROM YOUR HOME....What do they know? However, they will know if it is not a true business....and access an annoying $5.00 penalty which I would hate to pass on to you!

My psychic abilities don't work well out of state. I will get a massive brain implosion trying to connect with you to get your name and address, so if you want the business rate, please EMAIL ME with your zip and I will calculate shipping costs for you.

As previously mentioned I also ship USPS. (Nothing too heavy) However, I can only drag these weary old bones there once a week on a if you don't mind waiting a few days, I will be happy to accomodate you.

If you would like me to ship to you via USPS the first Friday after the auction ends, I MUST RECEIVE PAYMENT BY THURSDAY EVENING, Otherwise it will be the Friday of the following week.

I have tried running after the mail truck, following to it's destination to make sure that your package doesn't get lost or damaged. But quite frankly all that exercise is wearing me out. So, if you want protection please take insurance so I can stay home and get some rest.......

Please be aware that if you ship USPS without insurance I cannot be held responsible for loss or damage by the Post Office (No relatives there either).


You are being sent overseas on a top secret mission and won't be around to respond.....

The President called you to the White House for a consultation on the economy and foreign affairs......

Your computer is located just too far away to check emails more than once a month.

You just have fun pressing all those cute little buttons on your keyboard......

You love to window shop, but don't want to spend your money....

You just won the lottery, but you are only going to use the money to "Save the World"

I am sure there are other ways you can have your RIDING A CAMEL.... WRESTLING A GATOR..... or.... DODGING CARS ON THE INTERSTATE!

* *FINAL NOTE* * As hard as I try to achieve perfection, I have not reached that lofty state and occasionally do screw-up. If this happens please email me BEFORE leaving feedback so I can GROVEL, BEG YOUR FORGIVENESS, WHINE, CRY and offer to be your SLAVE FOR LIFE.....Possibly a refund as well, although shipping either way is not refundable.

Thanks for Looking. Good Luck, Laugh, it's good for you....and Remember "HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, THINKS SLOWEST"

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